Linda G. Mills Steps Down (all the flights of Bobst Library and breaks her right leg)

President Mills took a big tumble last Wednesday down every flight of stairs in the 12 story Bobst Library. She had been practicing different ways to descend stairs just in case she ever has to make a big entrance at a gala, but around the 10th floor slipped in a large puddle of melted neapolitan icecream left there by a begrudged Tandon student. 

She has since been spotted using a knee scooter to traverse campus and challenging small children on rollerblades to race her around the fountain in Washington Square Park. President Mills remains undefeated. 

As the new top dog in the amateur scooterer scene, Mills has donned her pantsuit with the number ninety-five, in honor of famed race car, Lighting McQueen. 

“Linda G. Mills is speed.”

• Linda G. Mills